A wonderful personal article called 'Marriage Isn't For You,' written by a newlywed has recently gone viral, circulating on many social media sources.
The title is certainly the first thing that grabs your attention, but upon further reading you get the message of the play on words. Marriage isn't for you, it's for the other. Newlywed Seth Adam Smith describes his personal journey toward his vocation of marriage.
As most of us do when making a personal decision, we pull out the pad of paper and begin on our pros and cons list. We weigh our options, the benefits, and ultimately ask what's in it for me?
We all want to obtain happiness but are often under the illusion that true happiness should not require any work on our part. Effort in itself detracts from the natural simplicity that we expect from happiness. When you start throwing in words like sacrifice and self-denial, happiness seemingly goes out the window. The true conundrum is that we are not really able to get anywhere we want to be in life without some sacrifice. I suppose the relief is that in most cases we can turn around or change our mind.
Seth shared what he calls his 'Walmart philosophy' with his father regarding his marriage discernment. His father's words were pivotal in helping him to make the decision to marry as well as preparing him to be on the right track as a husband and father.
Seth's father told him that marriage is for the other person and not for yourself. True love doesn't ask what's in it for me, but rather what can I give and how can I love this other person better? "You marry to make someone else happy."
Seth describes his father's advice as "revelatory," helping him to see his future bride through different eyes. His selfishness had stepped aside and allowed him to see her as someone he wanted to share his life, build a family, and incorporate all of their hopes and dreams into one reality.
The beauty of giving is that you receive abundantly and the more you give the more you receive. Marriage isn't for you, it's for the other. For your spouse, your children, your families. Ultimately all of this giving results in true happiness as the selfish man disappears. What's in it for you is becoming the person you truly want to become
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